Many scientists feel a desire to dignify the subject and believe that important matters require a special vocabulary and a special mode of expression. This desire often has two effects: writers use technical or pseudo-technical words because they feel that they must impress colleagues and other demanding readers, and they adopt an excessively formal style which leads to hard-to-read prose stuffed with important-sounding words and long, dull sentences. The following text is an example:
 

Neonate infants are believed to have the ability to relate visual sensory perception with motor function. The neonatal visual system is probably the most prefunctional of the senses at birth. Manifestly, this competence is not correlated with time outside the womb, for in early months infants have the problem solving ability that comes from linking sensory systems and motor activity. The observation that these subjects manifest visual preference for facial forms upholds the assumption that a connection exists between visual and motor activity.

The writer clearly worked hard at composing this paragraph, but the writing is dull and difficult to understand even for fellow professionals. It could be written in a much clearer way without losing the formal tone. This unthinking use of legitimate technical expressions means that the text is nothing more than incomprehensible jargon. In other words, it is foggy. But can we actually measure how foggy it is?

Well, yes we can if we use a readability index. Some professional editors use readability formulas to gauge how well writers meet an audience's reading levels. Gunning's Fog Index is one of the most popular indexes. Its premise is that the bigger the words you use and the more complex your sentences, the more difficult your prose will be to read.

Here are the steps to follow:

1. Choose a sample of writing that is at least 100 words long.
2. Count the exact total number of words. 
3. Count the number of sentences in the paragraph.
4. Then divide the total number of words by the number of sentences to find the average length of the sentences. 
5. Count the total number of words that have three syllables or more. Exclude proper nouns, compound nouns and verbs whose third syllable is "es" or "ed". Find the percentage of these "long" words in the paragraph.
6. Add the average length of the sentences and the percentage of long words together. 
7. Multiply this total by 0.4. 

The number you get is the Fog Index. It tells you approximately how many years of schooling a person would need to have had to process the writing easily. 

You may or may not agree with the premise on which Gunning's Fog Index is based, and you're not going to calculate the index for everything you edit, but it at least makes writers and editors aware of how important for clarity these two stylistic factors are.

Task 2: Read two versions of the following business presentation and calculate the Gunning Fog Indexes.

Version 1
 

The significance of these figures incorporating data from multicentre studies cannot be underestimated. In the American part of the survey it was found that success in business can be correlated directly with leadership styles. An individualistic style appears to be closely associated with rapid career path progression whereas a group or participative style, despite its evident attractiveness to all members of staff, is correlated with a relatively slow career progression. This is further illustrated in my next slide which shows the results of another survey into senior management attitudes. Although lip service is paid to the concept of participative management, their real perceptions of leadership qualities completely contradict this view.

Fog Index = _________

Version 2
 

We can't really afford to ignore these results. The survey was one of the most extensive of its kind and covers a wide range of corporations ... We can see in this next slide the results from the American part of the survey. This survey was based on interviews carried out with senior managers in 200 corporations. You can see here ... 35% of the group of managers, classified as participative, reached senior management positions. On the other hand, 74% of the more individualistic managers achieved senior management status. So, I think the conclusion is self-evident. If you want to reach the top of American companies, you have a much better chance if you adopt a fairly autocratic, top-down approach. What is important here is not to dismiss the last ten years. Ten years in which the value of participative management has been preached. No, what we must do is to better understand the motivation of senior management.

Fog Index = _________

Why is it more difficult to understand version 1?

• There are a lot of abstract nouns (nominalizations) ("significance" / "progression" / "attractiveness" / "perception").
• All the sentences are in the passive.
• Many of the verbs are postponed.
• The style is impersonal (..."it was found ...").
• Some of the sentences are too long.
• The vocabulary is quite complex
• There are some stacked modifiers ("rapid career path progression" / "senior management attitudes") 

• There are more verbs.
• Most of the sentences are in the active.
• The style is personal ("we can see here ..." / "I think ..." / "If you want ..." / "What we must do ..."
• The average length of the sentences is shorter.
• The vocabulary is simpler.

Now get those two scores for the above texts. 

This is my favorite foggy sentence of all time:
 

Nuestros nuevos modos de apreciación estética y los avances en el campo médico que van llegando, están siendo asimilados cada vez mejor. Esta subclase de lo que podemos llamar frankensteins contemporáneos, si no pensemos en que opinión le daría a la propia escritora el encontrarse a un joven cualquiera con piercings en labios, orejas, nariz y hasta lengua, o en lo que supondría para ella ver unas extensiones o injertos de cabello, colágeno en los labios, uñas de porcelana o silicona en los pechos, u observar que tras un accidente una persona pudiera vivir gracias a los órganos de otro individuo, por no hablar de la dependencia que estamos construyendo entorno a las máquinas que nos rodean, como nuestros móviles particulares que cada vez más suponen una extensión de nosotros mismos, como las agendas, relojes, computadoras, y si nos trasladamos al mundo médico y ortopédico, qué no son sino las sillas mecánicas inteligentes para un parapléjico o tetrapléjico, quién sino tiene prótesis internas como huesos, músculos de materiales sintéticos, etc.; en fin, como vemos cada nueva generación va adentrándose en esa difícil y a veces misteriosa frontera que separa lo natural de lo artificial, lo propio de lo ajeno, lo dado de lo creado, lo individual de lo colectivo y general.

I was asked to translate this sentence, which contains 211 words, and I'm still looking for the main verb.

A word on plain language

Calls for Plain English are not new - they have actually been around for a long time. 

· In the fourteenth century, one of Chaucer's characters demanded:

· In 1500, Chaucer's Dreme refers to a story "which ye shall here in pleyne Englische".

· In 1550, after only three years on the throne of England, Edward VI had become so exasperated with the law that he remarked:

I would wish that the superfluous and tedious statutes were made more plain and short, to the intent that men might better understand them.

These problems, and how to avoid them, are described in the Plain English Guide by Martin Cutts.

Many influential people, exasperated by the type of texts we have seen, are advocates of plain language.

"It should be our pride to teach ourselves as well as we can always to write as simply and clearly and unpretentiously as possible, and to avoid like the plague the appearance of possessing knowledge which is too deep to be clearly and simply expressed." (Sir Karl Popper, Austrian-born philosopher)

"The theory that scientific discovery is impersonal or, as it is called, objective, has had several evil consequences. One is that the style of describing and publishing the results of scientific research which is fashionable today has been developed to sustain it. One should write, one is told, in the third person, in the passive voice, without betraying conviction or emphasis, without allusion to any concrete or everyday object, but with the feeblest indifference and the greatest abstraction. This practice has proved to be so readily acquired that it has now, for a whole generation, been debauching the literary languages of the world. The result has been that science, instead of being a source of strength and honesty is in fact robbing the common speech of these very qualities. For the style itself is neither strong nor honest." (C.D. Darlington, distinguished biologist)

What techniques do editors use to make texts more readable? Here are the most important guidelines for writers.

1. Make the average length of your sentences between 15 and 20 words.
2. Use words your readers are likely to understand.
3. Use only as many words as you really need.
4. Prefer the active unless there's a good reason for using the passive.
5. Use vigorous verbs to express your thoughts.
6. Put your points positively when you can.

You will soon find that if you follow these guidelines you will begin producing texts such as this edited version of an earlier text.
 

Observers now realize that newborn infants can coordinate sight and movement. In fact, vision seems to be the sense that is best developed when babies are born, for it is evident very early that they can solve problems that require linking vision and motor ability. The fact that they can recognize different facial expressions and respond to them supports this theory.

Check the readability scores for the two versions of this text.
 

Further tasks

Task 1:
An abstract is a brief synopsis of a scientific paper. It usually provides a summary of each major section of the paper. Imagine you have been asked to edit this abstract. How many changes would you make? You don't have to edit the abstract yet.
 

The Reciclable Catalytic Asymmetric Hydroboration Of Vinylarenes Anna M. Segovia, Carme Carrasco, Elena Franco Departament de Química Física i Inorgànica, Universitat Rovira i Virgili, Pl. Imperial Tàrraco 1, 43005 Tarragona, Spain. ABSTRACT The recent upsurge in reports on the heterogeneization of homogenous catalytic systems have provided compelling evidence for the possibility of the design and production of new catalytic systems which present several obvious advantages over their soluble counterparts as we can remove them from the reaction mixture by simple filtration and, often, they can be recycled and used again.1 On the other hand, the hydroboration reaction remains the most frequent route to the synthesis of organoboron compounds which have long been of great interest due to their remarkable versatibility.2,3 Since the pioneering studies by Männig and Nöth4 the role of transition metal catalysed hydroborations has continued to grow at a spectacular rate. However, although the use of soluble rhodium complexes to promote this reaction is well established, inherent problems concerned with separation, recovery and regeneration of the catalytic species, rest to be resolved. The development of immobilised complex catalysts in clay structures such as esmetics to make possible to conduct solution-like reactions in the solid state has been studied. Herein, it is reported that immobilized preformed chiral homogeneous catalysts were subjected to catalytic hydroboration of vinylarenes with catecholborane. The activity, regio and enantioselectivities observed with the supported species were comparable to those found using the corresponding homogenous catalyst and kept constant on their re-use.

Task 2:

Identify any stylistic problems in these sentences. You don't have to edit them at this stage.

1. I understand that some doctors making night calls have been attacked in recent months on the expectation that they were carrying drugs and their caution when visiting certain areas in the south of the city has been very exacting and has even included telephoning the address to be visited from their car when they arrive outside the house.
Problem:

2. My degree, my work experience, and learning to do complicated projects has given me the qualifications necessary to work for your firm.
Problem:

3. This compulsion is much regretted, but a large vehicle fleet operator restriction in mileage has now been made imperative to meet the demand for petrol economy.
Problem:

4. After completing the study the bacteria were of no further interest.
Problem:

5. Antibiotic-Combination Drugs Used to Treat Colds Banned by FDA.
Problem:

6. A large mass of literature has accumulated on the cell walls of staphylococci.
Problem:

7. By filtering through Whatman nº 1 filter paper, Smith separated the components.
Problem:

8. The conversion of the optimized neural networks (software) into microchips (hardware) will be attempted.
Problem:

9. I have read of the achievement of the Irish of the southern regions of New England.
Problem:

10. Work is required to be carried out on the flue and funnels.
Problem:

11. A recommendation was made by inspectors that consideration be given by the company to the fitting of an interlock trip between the ventilation systems to prevent cell pressurization.
Problem:

12. It is all right to give raw milk to your baby, but first you must boil it.
Problem:

13. The results of the measurement of the breakthrough volumes are shown in Figure 1.
Problem:

14. Figure 5 shows the standard chromatogram obtained using the described method.
Problem:

15. Medical effectiveness research data methods conference.
Problem:

16. We think that the suggestion is interesting and so it has been incorporated into our project.
Problem:

17. In the food industry CMC serves as a thickening agent in dairy products and sauces, as a stabilizer in frozen foods and ice creams and it is also an important additive in low calorie foods.
Problem:

18. Completion and return of the attached form will assure participation in the program. 
Problem:

19. The implementation of this study was initiated as a result of our discovery of the poor sales performance of our running shoes
.Problem:

20. This safe is locked by a key only and does not have a combination lock.
Problem: